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The headline made our testicles [Ed.note—Or ovaries!] instantly retract in horror: "Stars Face Unmade Beds as Cannes Hotel Staff Strike." Another French strike, this time by hotel workers, and Brad Pitt faces the very real possibility of laying his interview-weary head down on last night's pillow case.

After five minutes of sympathetic outrage that ended in a vomiting fit and the razing of our favorite china cabinet, we took the unusual step of reading the entire article, hoping that there must be some mistake. No luck, the terror is very real. Despite the fact that the quick-thinking, magnanimous managerial staff tried to take up the slack, "room service and catering were disrupted." Once the seizures subside, we will immediately post fresh linens to Cannes. High thread-count shit, too.