Morrissey Says the TSA "Groped My Penis," Wonders If People Have Minds
Morrissey, famous dirge singer and old-timey English racist, claims a TSA agent inappropriately fondled his junk as he was passing through San Francisco International Airport en route back to London Monday afternoon.
“I was approached by an ‘airport security officer’ who stopped me, crouched before me and groped my penis and testicles,” Morrissey wrote on the online Morrissey zine True to You. “He quickly moved away as an older ‘airport security officer’ approached.”
He writes that when he tried to confront the officer—who turned out to be the manager on duty—he was given the classic “that’s just, like, your opinion, man” runaround.
The conversation went thus:
You have just sexually groped this man.
Officer: That’s just your opinion.
What you have done is illegal.
Officer: That’s just your opinion.
You have no right to do what you have just done.
Officer: That’s just your opinion.
According to Morrissey, he didn’t trigger the scanner and nothing about his luggage was unusual—the pat-down was a groping, a sexual attack. He added that the British Airways employees accompanying him encouraged him to lodge a complaint, but he didn’t expect it to go anywhere, even though there was CCTV footage of the incident.
“Do people have minds?” he muses philosophically, in closing. That’s deep, Morrissey. Very deep.
The TSA responded Thursday, issuing a statement to Rolling Stone:
“TSA takes all allegations of misconduct seriously and strives to treat every passenger with dignity and respect. Upon review of closed circuit TV footage, TSA determined that the supervised officer followed standard operating procedures in the screening of this individual.”
Were Morrissey’s nuts not groped, or was he just dismayed—as he should be—to find that casual nut-groping has become part of American airport procedure? Without the video, it’s just a case of Morrissey-said, an-oppressive-and-wasteful-government-agency-said.
