Russell Wilson, the cutting-edge humanoid robot currently starting at quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks, did not have to execute its football protocols over the weekend, so it was shipped to Mexico for routine maintenance at the mansion of Girls Gone Wild bro-chief Joe Francis. Wi15on was accompanied by human girlfriend and pop star Ciara, with whom the quarterback unit is reportedly not-having-sex. Will this machine-man ever learn how to love? DOES. NOT. COMPUTE.

TMZ reports a stay at Francis’ Casa Aramara sex palace, which is allegedly equipped with mirrored ceilings, costs a very erotic $100,000. TMZ also reports that Ciara was wearing a bikini. Truly a turbulent sea of temptations for any chaste human man, but not a problem for the unit designated Ru553.11.

It has been sacked more times this season than any competing quarterback, yet suffered no loss of mobility. Plus, as you can see in the photos published by TMZ, it’s waterproof. Truly a testament to the technical ingenuity of Microsoft co-founder and Seahawks majority owner Paul Allen.

Kind of a bummer for Ciara, though. Can’t imagine oiling the joints of a sterile mandroid is easy, but this is the way it must be. Introducing sex functionality at this late date could compromise the Seahawks’ entire season.

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[Photo of forbidden love between woman and machine: Ciara’s Instagram]