His perma-smiling eyes might indicate otherwise, but Tom Cruise is not happy about Life & Style and In Touch's allegations in 2012 that he abandoned his daughter in favor of Xenu after Joey Potter—sorry, Katie Holmes—filed for divorce. He filed a lawsuit for libel against parent company Bauer Publishing, but as recent leaked documents reveal, that $50 million payout isn't going to come without a fight.

Radar Online obtained parts of a sealed deposition between Cruise and counsel from Bauer Publishing, that took place two months ago at CAA. In it, Cruise tries valiantly to defend his own special blend of crazy amidst allegations that he had his counsel try to drum up negative press that Bauer is an anti-Semitic company, with pro-Nazi publications under its belt.

Cruise denied that he knew a member of his legal team, Matt Galsor, had reached out to the Associated Press to ask them to run a story on Bauer's potential Hitler-loving leanings, and when probed to ask if he'd condone such tactics against a company waging a smear campaign against him, he said he'd "have to think about it." (Despite Cruise's insistence that he knew nothing about drumming up support for Bauer's potential Nazi bias, The Wrap's Sara Morrison reports that just this week, Cruise's team filed paperwork for an upcoming hearing to force Bauer to disclose their pro-Nazi ties.)

He agreed with Bauer that in a 158 day period from June 18th, 2012 to Thanksgiving of that year, he only saw daughter Suri for ten days, but that a six percent hangout rate doesn't necessarily correlate to abandonment. When grilled on whether he and the Church of Scientology labelled wife Katie Holmes as a "suppressive person"—someone that Cruise describes as "an antisocial personality, someone who is dishonest, evaluates and invalidates to the extreme." Cruise admits that anyone who leaves the church is automatically deemed a suppressive person. ("SP" if you're down with Scientology slang.)

He goes on to accuse defending counsel Beth Macnamara of not respecting his religion—which, according to Cruise, is nothing like Judaism or Catholicism, even though counsel didn't ask him that—and then hammers her on the importance of letting him finish his sentences instead of cutting him off, which you have to support him on, because c'mon Beth, manners.

Cruise and Bauer publishing will have a hearing on November 26th for what will surely inspire the greatest movie that never will be, because really, if we live in a world that can give us Cowboys and Aliens, why can't we have Nazis vs. Scientologists: The Movie?

Here's the full document: