I am not Saturday Night Live’s newest cast member Jon Rudnitsky. But if I were, one thing I would have done upon learning that I had achieved my lifelong dream of being hired by Lorne Michaels was delete the following tweets and Vines.

I would have thought about the times I gave my opinion on what makes a woman a whore. I would have typed the word “whore” into Twitter’s search feature, found those tweets, and then pressed the delete button.

I would have spent some time considering whether I had decided what makes a woman a cunt, and if I had made any weird jokes about gang bangs? At that point, I would have erased those tweets from my Twitter profile.

If I had watched the Oscars and said something homophobic about a make up artist, I would have remedied that problem.

I would have remembered that I created an account on Vine. I would have recalled that I made a video where I was just like, “The whole joke is about Mexicans shooting you.” I would have chosen to remove this video from the internet.

[There was a video here]

I would have reminded myself that I had visited Las Vegas, and that when I was there I had filmed a topless middle-aged woman who did not give me a boner and then made a face to indicate my disgust with her body. This is another video I would have taken off the world wide web.

[There was a video here]

In any event, I’m sure that whatever the real Jon Rudnitsky has planned for SNL is very good.

Contact the author at jordan@gawker.com.