Ben Affleck will not be helping Adam Driver save Hannah from her OCD, and really, herself; The Walking Dead's Frank Darabont teaches a master class in how to express your disgust at being fired; Anchorman 2 must really be a steaming pile of shit, since they just made yet another lame marketing tie-in; and let's be honest, Almost Human is just Small Wonder set in a station house, right?

September is upon us, and that can only mean one thing: You can stop pretending you know what people mean when they say "If Chip Kelly's offense stays healthy, Shady is going to be explosive this season!" and go back to talking about God's work—network television. To help you avoid embarrassing yourself at the office Keurig predicting the season's first cancellation—you need a better answer than Dads, it's not June anymore, c'mon—here are some of the best and juiciest rumors we've been hearing: