Amber Heard, a blonde who recently married Johnny Depp, invited her mother to a screening of Depp’s Whitey Bulger biopic Black Mass last night. Let what transpired at the end of the red carpet be a lesson to everyone, most of all Amber Heard’s mother.

While promoting his new film The Departed 2: Black Mass at a press conference on Friday, Johnny Depp, who is not well, joked (?) about his recent canine controversy: “I killed my dogs and ate them under direct orders from some kind of, I don’t know, sweaty, big-gutted man from Australia.”

Australia is really not kidding around—they’ve charged Amber Heard with the illegal importation of Johnny Depp’s dogs, meaning she could, technically, face up to 10 years in an Australian prison.

Scoooorrreeee YEAH: 51-year-old actor Johnny Depp and his friend, 40-year-old musician Ryan Adams, are allegedly hooking up with sisters. People reports that Ryan has recently taken up with Whitney Heard, the younger sister of Johnny's new 28-year-old wife Amber Heard. Up top!

Unwell middle-aged actor Johnny Depp married his 28-year-old bride Amber Heard a few days ahead of schedule on Tuesday, according to Us Weekly. The pair "secretly" wed at Johnny's West Hollywood home, but they will still travel to his private island this weekend for a spooky ceremony with friends.

Johnny Depp, who is not well, will marry his 28-year-old sweetheart Amber Heard next weekend in the Bahamas, according to Page Six. If you are one of the 50 guests invited to this event, beware: "accommodations are so sparse" that you will be sleeping on a boat.

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp have not broken up, despite rumors to the contrary. How do we know? Oh, my friends—disgusting kisses don't lie.