“Just a little green, like the color when the spring is born. There’ll be crocuses to bring to school tomorrow. Just a little green.” Joni Mitchell once sang that about Jared Leto’s hair. Now what’s she singing? A different tune, no doubt.

As you know, we at Defamer are dedicated to keeping you up to date on the length and style of former One Direction member and lifelong graffiti enthusiast Zayn Malik’s hair. It is worth noting that our reporting is not reliant upon agreeing with the choices made re: the length and style of said hair.

Are you sitting down? If not, please, take a seat. Now are you sitting down? Please—I implore you to take a seat.

The world waited months for Jared Leto to make good on his "Haircut. #2015" promise and now that he's finally done it it seems Jared Leto, actor and haircut recipient, has let loose—really feeling free, going crazy with hair stuff.

On December 24th, 2014, Jared Leto posted to Instagram an older photo of himself with a short haircut. He captioned this photo "Haircut. #2015." Since that moment, we have waited impatiently, grinding our teeth, digging into the earth endlessly simply to release our tension, refusing food due to its dearth of the sustenance we need, the sustenance that comes only with Jared Leto's haircut, while we waited for the actor to make good on his promise.

BONK BONK BONK. WEEE-OOOO WEEE-OOOO. PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW. This is not a test. Please take to your hair chairs and put on your helmets—just kidding. That part was a test. Do not put on your helmets. Just put on your hair seat belts in your hair chairs and you'll be fine. Justin Bieber dyed his hair blond!

Sound the hair alarm. Put on your hair-proof goggles. Man your hair stations. Sit in your hair chairs. Swallow your hair lunch. Breathe a deep hair breath, 'cause Scarlett Johansson's hair is shorter now than it used to be!