Your mean neighbor, Chelsea Handler, regaled the story of pale oaf Jason Biggs peeing on her face as she clung to boat in the heavy tide of the ocean. "I was trapped. I was in a urinary Bermuda Triangle," she said on Conan last night.

Jennifer Garner, who used to wear wigs on Alias, has presumably been sitting on the story of her life as an avid streaker for years now, based on the enthusiasm and faux aw-shucks she brought to Conan last night. I'm promoting two movies, she probably said to herself in her dressing room mirror. I can finally tell this story...

On last night's Conan, we got to see what Matthew McConaughey's already True Detective-y new Lincoln commercials would look like with a bit of True Detective dialogue in the mix. (The answer is: they would look like True Detective!)

Yesterday, we watched Triumph the Insult Comic Dog ridicule fans cheering on Colombia, Greece, and Uruguay at World Cup viewing parties in Queens. Today, as we prepare to watch the match between the U.S. and Germany, let's watch him take on Italy, Japan, and Ivory Coast fans, and console heartbroken England fans in Manhattan.

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog joined soccer fans cheering on Colombia, Greece, and Uruguay at World Cup viewing parties in Queens for last night's Conan. As is his nature, he insulted their hygiene, occupations, and lives in general.

Katy Perry finger-banged Anna Kendrick Sunday night and she liked it. Or so said Kendrick on Tuesday night's Conan.