Many people are excited about the forthcoming unauthorized biography of Beyoncé, written by prolific writer of unauthorized biographies J. Randy Taraborrelli. But others are probably not excited, including Beyoncé, Jay Z and Jonathan Hay, the ex-Rihanna publicist who concocted the story that Rihanna and Jay Z slept together.

This spring, Jay Z premiered his overly-ambitious and arguably ill-advised music streaming service, Tidal. And turns out he’s got about as much faith in it as the next guy—which is to say not at all.

The most definitive way to win an argument is to show the damn receipts—figuratively or, in the case, of Jay Z’s absurd feud with conceptual artist Marina Abramovic, literally.

People are apparently upset that Beyoncé dumped what’s rumored to be a $20,000 bottle of Armand de Brignac champagne into a hot tub during the filming of her Nicki Minaj collabo, “Feeling Myself.” But it is dumb to be mad at Beyoncé, because that wine didn’t really cost $20,000, and even if it did, it would have been more expensive for her not to pour it out and frolic in the bubbles.

Remember two years ago? I bet you wish you couldn’t. 2013 was the year of many things, but somewhere in there it was the year of the embarrassing Jay-Z career decision to release an album called Magna Carta Holy Grail, when instead he could have enjoyed an eternity of diving into a pile of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck. Remember that record? Something something Basquiat Picasso something something Rothko Christie’s.

There are three things Man knows to be true about the world:

Jay-Z and Beyoncé are moving to Los Angeles, TMZ reported today. The cross-country shift is permanent enough that the couple have enrolled their daughter Blue Ivy at an "elite private school" that TMZ says costs $15,080 per year, but refuses to name. Why?

Mega-billionaire superstars Beyoncé and Jay Z, fresh from a trip to Iceland, are currently vacationing at a $25,000-a-night resort in Thailand, Page Six reports. God damn these two are good at vacations and knowing how many vacations to take in succession.

Beyoncé and Jay Z are collectively worth something like $1 billion. Maybe. Beyoncé said it herself so it must be true. The point is that they can basically buy anything in the world. Nonetheless, spending $85 million on a single pool is a serious purchase for even the richest elevator fight club. Beyoncé and Jay Z might do such a thing, but here's the real question: would you?

Being a DJ is the new being a lazy drug addict when it comes to jobs for celebrity children; Vine is the way to become a celebrity drug addict when you don't have famous parents; Sleepy Hollow got picked up for season 2 and ughhhhh I can't it's so awful just stop; Exxon is suing FXX over a logo, because those are the pressing matters at hand, not oil spill cleanups.