Hollywood rumors are as outrageous as they are complicated. Let’s get real: how on earth could you coax a gerbil into a butthole? And how could Jamie Lee Curtis hide her tiny penis from wardrobe all these years? Not to mention Paul from The Wonder Years. How could he be sucking his own dick and playing in a band when he’s clearly working right here? Speaking of dick sucking, if it’s impossible to drink a gallon of milk, how could someone ever drink a gallon of semen?