The woman trapped in a hell of her own making, Dakota Johnson, returned from vacation yesterday. Was the reticent Fifty Shades of Grey star partying in Mexico, spring break style, with girlfriends her own age (25)? No. She was in Cancun with her mom and her mom's most embarrassing friend, Kris Jenner.

Dakota Johnson brought her mom Melanie Griffith to the Oscars tonight, and Jaysusss was she embarrassing. It turns out that Mel hasn't seen Fifty Shades of Grey, and she doesn't really plan on seeing Fifty Shades of Grey, because she doesn't have to see "that" to know Dakota is a great actress. Moommm.