On hearing the news that Aziz Ansari will make more money on one book than most of us will see in a lifetime, most of us had the same reaction: a rush for a fresh razor blade while drawing a final warm bath. But wait! Don't strip the safety plastic off your Venus Pro-Glide yet. After talking to multiple book agents, it turns out there's actually a method this madness, and if you follow them in order, you too, could get three mil for your dumb book.