Business cards, for some reason, are still in existence, despite smart phones and the seemingly pervasive notion that they're outdated and useless. Yes, business cards serve as certifiable evidence that you, friendly human, are employed and/or hope to be employed, but hand them out sparingly. For instance, that nice middle-aged couple who lives in a two-story rancher who needs an exterminator? Great, they'll probably appreciate your business, Jerry, of Jerry's Bugs-Be-Gone. And that nice fella you met at the Rosenfelds' dinner party last weekend who was interested in an estimate on a new deck? They will probably give you a shout on Monday, Bob, of Bob's Custom Home Building and Contracts. Other than that, keep them in your wallet, right behind the AAA card, and save it just in case the local pizza parlor has a fishbowl on the counter offering you the chance to win your company two free large pies with unlimited toppings, woo-hoo.

And then there's our pal, Jeff, here, who is "Head Buddy" of Hey Buddy Creative. Jeff's business card provides all the relevant information you will need to contact him in case you've forgotten how to spell his last name after the three minutes of small-talk you two engaged in whenever, wherever that was. Plus, he's helpfully provided the expertise the Head Buddy of Hey Buddy Creative offers to its prospective clients like:

1. Concepts

2. Ideas

3. Creations

These are all wonderful skills, especially the third one, because it tells me that Jeff possesses some wizard-like powers. ("Hey Buddy, what's your going hourly-rate for conjuring us up a tap-dancing hydra who speaks Spanish? Seventy-eight kajillion gold pieces? Sold." )

But first Jeff should probably use some of his other-worldly conceptualization idea-making (non-)skills to finish building his goddamn website.

If anyone can provide an example of a more useless, self-aggrandizing, complete and total horseshit business card, please provide it in the discussion section below. Or, you can send visual evidence of them here to possibly be considered for public ridicule on this site. If we get enough of them, we'll send the worst one a free pizza to what we assume will be his or her tax-deductible home office.