The director of Fifty Shades of Grey says the movie is more than just the sexless story of two co-workers who hate each another—it's also the coming-of-age story of one woman's pubic hair. Like Boyhood, but all the characters are pubes.

When a Huffington Post interviewer recently expressed surprise and admiration that director Sam Taylor-Johnson dared to glue a wig to an actress in a sex movie, she responded that the style was but one phase of a hair's journey from a naive, young college pube to a jaded, older BDSMed pube.

"It was a conscious choice. Dakota and I had a very funny discussion about the arching journey of her pubic hair. That she should start one way and she goes on this journey with it and in line with how it's written in the book is the journey of that."

But it's also a dark journey: the collective protagonist—SPOILER ALERT!!!—is rumored to perish in an erotic shaving scene. Already dead: the lead actors' eyes, hearts.

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