Bad news for all you closet "douches" in the Southland. LA Weekly has finally revealed the neighborhoods you call home. Now everyone will know your true identity if you live in one of the following places:

  1. Echo Park
  2. North of Montana
  3. Downtown
  4. The Entire South Bay
  5. Abbott Kinney

Now let’s say you live on the border of one of these neighborhoods and aren’t sure if you’re a "douche." You should use their definition as a guide:

You drive a leased German car you can't afford, because it's certainly not a Volkswagen. Your hair has more product than Costco. You constantly post about your models-and-bottles nightclub exploits on Facebook.

I am definitely not a "douche" because I am none of these things, you might think. But don’t get too cocky: they’ve continued outing "douches" today by using a Yelp wordmap to prove you’re one of them (whatever they are). However, instead of searching for the word “douche” in Yelp reviews, they’ve searched for the word “hipster” to highlight these "douche / hipster" havens. Because they apparently mean the same thing now.

Quickly taking on the cause of the "douche" bullying is Southern California Public Radio, accusing the list of "classing up the Internet with a troika of name-calling negativity." And "douche"-deniers across the city, like "douche"-defender Dennis H., are also taking a firm stand against accusations of "douchery":

What a mean-spirited and hateful article. I'm someone who has lived downtown for 8 years and I love it because of the sense of community with neighbors who actually care about each other. Go get a life, writer.

Do you hear him, haters? "Douches" do not live downtown, but if they did live downtown, they would be caring and community oriented "douches," not those mean-spirited and hateful "douches" like the ones in Venice who are currently failing to deny, "douchily" or not, their "douchiness."

Photo Credit: Topacio Althaus, LA Weekly