Since the image of James Bond was first spotted on a beak-spouted jug c. 1802–1575 B.C., old white guys have given interviews to the Daily Mail wherein they state the character should be played by a straight white guy exclusively. This time: Roger Moore.

In a world where a black man can be president of the United States of America, gay people can marry, and women can wear trousers without condemnation, what do old, straight white guys have if not James Bond? Everything, yes, but also: Please let them keep James Bond—they like him so much!

From Roger Moore, former Bond, in the Daily Mail:

“I have heard people talk about how there should be a lady Bond or a gay Bond,” said Moore, “But they wouldn’t be Bond for the simple reason that wasn’t what Ian Fleming wrote.”

How could we forget the famous opening lines of Fleming’s first Bond novel, Casino Royale: “The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning. James Bond is a straight white guy with brown hair FYI for when you need to picture it.”

Moore continued, saying, “It is not about being homophobic or, for that matter, racist—it is simply about being true to the character.”

So, you see? Roger Moore is not stubbornly clinging to a tired tradition about what Hollywood idiot should play this sexy killer. He is simply dealing with irrefutable facts concerning a wholly fictional British Secret Service agent created out of thin air for novels, short stories, and films, from a good but entirely inflexible idea Ian Fleming had about how to stay rich.

In March, Moore had to backtrack after making what many saw as a racist comment about the idea of Idris Elba as Bond, saying, “A few years ago, I said that Cuba Gooding Junior would make an excellent Bond, but it was a joke!” Very funny joke. He continued:

“Although James may have been played by a Scot, a Welshman and an Irishman, I think he should be ‘English-English’. Nevertheless, it’s an interesting idea, but unrealistic.”

He tweeted an explanation, saying the truth of what he was trying to convey was #Lost in translation.

OK.

The thing about James Bond is: He is a fake guy. Anyone can play James Bond in a movie as long as the fit one or both of these qualifications*:

  • Handsome

And/Or:

  • Sexy

That’s all, really. Old white dudes need to relax about it.

*If cartoon, the only qualification is “tuxedo.” Image via Getty. Contact the author at kelly.conaboy@gawker.com.