Paramount Pictures has taken a stroll down an aisle in its archives, spun around three times, and randomly pointed a finger, thus becoming the latest contestant in the hot game "Let's Remake...THAT One!" Billy Bob Thornton is to star in a remake of the 1976 baseball comedy The Bad News Bears.
Wherein we attempt to translate the humpy gabber's gossipspeak into Standard American English.
Whoops! Look like Mischa Barton forgot that she'd slagged Fred Segal's clothes in the national press. The O.C. star (you know, the hot one that can't act. No, the other hot one that can't act) tried to infiltrate the Melrose Ave store like nothing happened and had her skinny little butt tossed out on the pavement like a bag full of wire hangers. It's understandable that she couldn't remember what she'd said; we lose our short-term memory when we're hungry, too.
Wired's and BoingBoing's Xeni Jardin has the story of AOL customer service rep turned Hollywood player Heather Robinson, who used her position to get personal information on celebrities and producers and use it to strike up online friendships. She used these friendships (and the dirt she turned up in naughty IM conversations) to score a couple of movie deals. The Perfect Man, which stars Hilary Duff and Heather Locklear and is based on Robinson's real-life exploits creating a fake suitor for her mother, should be in theaters next year. Her second, even more brazen project is E-Girl, which pretties up her scamming of Hollywood personalities to get a career in the movies. Which, we're really, really hoping stars Tara Reid.
What's an aging actor who was once one of the world's biggest draws to do to try and kickstart his career? No, John Travolta's not falling asleep next to Quentin Tarantino's Pussy Wagon, clutching an FTD "Cast Me!" bouquet in his meaty paws. Today is Burt Reynold's turn. Reynolds has just signed on to star opposite Adam Sandler in a remake of The Longest Yard. And, indeed, the original The Longest Yard did star a much younger Burt Reynolds. Some might call this wink-wink casting, a knowing nod to cut a little of the "they're remaking that?" criticism. Some might call this money trouble. We'll just reserve judgment and hope that when the studios come calling with the Stroker Ace redo, Burt will have an ex-wife or beach house that needs paying off.
Everyone seems to be all in a titty-twisting tizzy over 20/20's announcement that they will be televising a segment tomorrow night in which a 16-year-old's newborn baby will be adopted by one of five desperate couples. The controversy really centers around ABC's decision to present the adoption as a sort of reality TV contest, with "winners" and "losers."
First we have Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban producing movies and starring in his own reality show, The Benefactor, in which he gives away a million dollars. According to the Hollywood Reporter, now the Maloof brothers, owners of the Sacramento Kings and the Palms Casino in Vegas, getting into television production with MGM. And guess what? They're going to have a show where they give away a pile of cash, just like Cuban.
It's a big mess over at Warner Music. Warner is suing Madonna's label, Maverick Records. Madonna's Maverick Records is suing Warner Music. Warner says that Maverick's been hemmoraging money since they bought them. Maverick claims to have turned Warner a big profit.
Variety reports that Viacom Chairman-CEO Sumner Redstone has been authorized to greenlight bigger film budgets for Viacom-owned Paramount Pictures. Said Redstone, "The creative community wasn't going to Paramount with movies that cost over $100 million. Now Paramount has hundreds of millions to make the movies they believe in."
Shock-jock under fire/Porky's producer Howard Stern revealed that he has a secret blog on his radio show this morning. Stern said he writes as "another character" and that only "about 4 people are in on the joke." OK, he's almost certainly not Rance, who repeatedly claims to be an actor and not a fat guy eating Twinkies in his basement, laughing at a credulous, gossip-starved public.
NBC is gauging advertisers $2 million for each 30-second ad spot on the Friends finale. We can think of a lot of uses for that kind of cash, and using it to sell feminine hygiene products or light beer in between incidents of Chandler sarcasm isn't very high on that list. Of course, the good news is that is that after an hour of commercial breaks, the Friends producers will be able to afford to pay off the lawsuits of twenty irate former writers' assistants traumatized by being forced to endure speculation about the contents of Courteney Cox's uterus.
Stereogum's got some pics of Britney Spears having a beach day in Santa Monica with dancer Kevin Federline. Taking a look at Brit's thighs, it's hard to know if the love affair is between the pop star and the dancer or the pop star and the orange cheese residue on her fingers. Click here to get a better look.
Our spies have uncovered Sony's official letter of interest for purchasing MGM:
Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is taking his billions and doing the natural thing for a guy with too much money: becoming a movie producer. Cuban has an executive producer credit on the upcoming Robert De Niro flick Godsend, and he was all kinds of excited to walk down the red carpet at the film's recent Hollywood premiere:
Fuck that dead Atkins guy. Apparently, Renee Zellweger is helplessly addicted to the skinny-minnie to fatty-boom-batty yo-yo diet. She's reportedly open to yet another orgy of ding-dongs to get up to Bridget Jones fighting weight for a third time, now that Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason is in the can. Really, how many times are we supposed to pay to see her puff up?
Supposedly A-list actor/secret blogger Rance sees a Kabbalah-like outbreak of Asian Mysticism in Hollywood. He offers this warning to those who might find themselves in the thrall of a horny producer with rudimentary cooking skills:
