Life takes its toll. To my knowledge, no one has ever said, "Life does not take its toll." It certainly does, and that is certainly the saying, and it certainly seems to have taken its toll on Johnny Depp, an actor who has gone insane.

While speaking to journalists in Tokyo this week, Johnny Depp apologized for missing an earlier news conference. (A warning sign.) The actor was ill, claims Page Six, but he didn't let that explanation stand for itself. Poor, sick Johnny Depp. Instead, the actor opened his mind, full of Johnny Depp characters in Johnny Depp masks, dressed as pirates, and let his sickness run free:

"I was attacked yesterday morning by a very rarely seen or experienced animal called 'chupacabra.' I fought with it for hours. They're very persistent, very mean. And I'm pretty sure it came into my suitcase. I threw him off the 23rd floor. So we'll never see him again. Thank you for understanding."

"Depp's tale drew laughs from the crowd of reporters," says Page Six, which strikes me as ruthlessly heartless. Laughing? At a sick man? Incredible. The laughing then turned to taunting:

When asked what the title character in his latest film would do if he were in the room, Depp channeled the character and replied, "He would probably say something like, 'How do you do? My name is Charlie Mortdecai and I've come here to take as much money from you as I possibly can. And jewelry, and art, and stuff.'"

He channeled the character perfectly, yes. Who is the man speaking in this block quote? Mortdecai himself? But it's possible that this is the source of Johnny Depp's current trauma. Perhaps he can no longer separate himself from his characters—be they the chupacabra character from before, or whatever the character of Mortdecai is. Perhaps he has become his own "Johnny Depp" character, and, in his sickness, has neglected to think through the harsh break in whimsy that falls between screen and human life.

Poor, sick Johnny Depp. Life takes its toll, it's true.

[image via Getty]