I can’t go on, I’ll go on. Alan Cumming and Tommy Hilfiger’s wife accidentally ate dirt.

The story of how grizzled vagabond Shia LaBeouf was arrested by police for showing up wasted to a Broadway production of Cabaret continues to be told, primarily because everyone involved won't stop talking about it. And last night on Conan, it was Cabaret star Alan Cumming's turn.