Britney Spears has been under personal and financial conservatorship since 2008, when she was committed to a hospital after allegedly neglecting to take her prescription meds and, according to a family source, “driving around her neighborhood like a mad-woman.” Although she’s turned things around since then, TMZ reported Monday that the conservatorship could last her entire lifetime simply because it’s working so well for her business.

Us Weekly reports Britney Spears has broken up with her boyfriend of eight months, Charlie Ebersol, a TV producer and pub quiz answer you’d probably have to sneak into the bathroom to Google.

The video for the ill-fated Britney Spears/Iggy Azalea duet “Pretty Girls” dropped today and oh my god it includes an interlude with dialogue that is almost certainly the best worst thing you will see this year. I can’t imagine anything being better or worse than this going forward until the world ends, in fact.

Us Weekly reports that Britney Spears and her boyfriend, whoever, recently "forgot" to pay a $30 Cheesecake Factory bill, after enjoying an appetizer and salad. Hmmm.

Mark Wahlberg could have been your classmate if you were a graduating senior this year; Jimmy Kimmel is a C.R.E.A.M. loyalist—except that for Kimbo, Costco Rules Everything Around Him; and Julie Chen, despite her best efforts to be a white girl, still just looks Chinese.

Dispatches From The Hated will be a recurring feature penned by a person who worked the paparazzi beat for three years. We'll call him American Ex-Pap so he remains anonymous.