Corey Feldman's publicist proves, again, that there is indeed no rest for the weary, sending out this 600-word press release entitled "Corey Feldman Responds to Bullying," at 9:00 p.m. on Labor Day.

Goonies star Corey Feldman is attempting to transform himself into the next Hugh Hefner—complete with his own FeldMansion, a bevy of Jumbo's Clown Room wannabes calling themselves "Corey's Angels," and a pervasive, weary, existential sadness. Luckily for anthropologists of despair, Vice's Jamie Lee Curtis Taete was on hand to chronicle the scene at Feldman's recent birthday party with an article that required final approval from Feldman before being published. According to Taete: