Wal-Mart and K-mart have announced plans to sell an RCA DVD player that can filter "objectionable" content. Turned off by Kill Bill, Vol. 1's blood geysers? The DVD player will skip past the violence and mute the f-bombs, leaving you with a chopsocky flick suitable for family viewing.
It's been just over 10 years since Kurt Cobain killed himself. Everyone knows that 10 years is the statue of limitations on making biopics about self-destructive, voice-of-a-generation types. Now that it's safe to do so, the WB is developing a movie based on Cobain's life. They haven't cast it yet. We've got a couple of suggestions to get the ball rolling.
We like her better in latex bodysuits than this outfit, even though we do have to admit a small Cosby sweater fetish.
We'd already forgotten who Thomas Jane is. Sure, we could have IMDB'd him, but we saw something shiny and lost interest in his career. But then we came across this very helpful AP headline on Yahoo News: "Thomas Jane Plays 'The Punisher'"
Fearless box office predictions which can easily be altered on Monday to make us look like geniuses:
The adult film industry is in a virtual shutdown as porn stars Darren James and Lara Roxx were diagnosed with HIV. Several adult film production companies announced a 60 day coitus interruptus so that further testing of actors who'd performed with James and Roxx could be conducted.
The 13-week job interview is over. Donald Trump can rest now, knowing that he has knighted a worthy Trump Organization leader in vanilla, internet cigar mogul Bill Rancic (as we predicted). The Donald can now kick back and spend a few days in the hyperbaric chamber that preserves the somewhat hairlike organism that lives on top of his billionaire head, emerging only to have brief, sexual encounters with Miss USA hopefuls and dream of the Time Man of the Year cover that is surely to follow.
Wherein we attempt to translate the humpy gabber's gossipspeak into Standard American English:
It seems virtually impossible for Michael Jackson to leave the ranch without getting some gay/molesty nastiness stuck on the bottom of his moonwalkin' pennyloafers.
Variety reports that the mighty WB network, home to such knee-slapping fare as One Tree Hill and Everwood, is about to unleash an American Idol spoof on the shitty-singing-devouring public.
Two L.A. men were caught trying to record first-run movies in local theaters. One was trying to bootleg The Passion of the Christ. It's understandable that someone's trying to get a piece of the Jesus juggernaut action.
Preternaturally youthful, septagenarian megaproducer/sock-hop host Dick Clark has been diagnosed with type-2 diabetes, according to the Associated Press. Clark's known about his disease since 1994, but has kept it a secret until now.
By now the entire free world has been appraised of the status of John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos' marriage. [ed. Note to Baghdad readers: They're Splitsville!] Page Six is reporting that John Cusack's already been circling Ms. Romijn n e Romijn-Stamos.
On tonight's two-hour finale of The Apprentice, evil, parasitic hairpiece host Donald Trump will finally anoint either low-key Bill Rancic or catatonic broker Kwame Jackson to run one of his many companies. Our money's on Bill, who'll be presented with a desk plaque reading "Bill Rancic, Chief Executive Officer, Trump Skank Procurement Industries" and immediately stashed on a card table by the copier that no one can figure out how to un-jam.
We're not keeping the author of this website anonymous because he's famous. In fact, quite the opposite. He's nobody — just another Hollywood peon, maybe another PA on the set. Or he could be your assistant — you know, the one you just made fetch your dogs from the groomer? That wasn't very nice of you.
