-Teeny-tiny Dreamworks mogul Jeffrey Katzenberg found inspiration for his computer-animated NBC show, Father of the Pride, from hanging out at Siegfried and Roy shows. Modern CGI should be able to render a tiger attack in chilling detail.
-Heidi Fleiss is suing Tom Sizemore for domestic violence. Who would think that a former whoremonger could get entangled in a bad relationship?
-Keanu Reeves is being honored at the World Stunt Awards. Laurels from the American Rhetorical Society will be a little harder to come by.
-Multiple child molestation indictments can't slow the Michael Jackson money-making machine. Just imagine what a conviction will do for the Neverland Ranch's llama fund!

Actor John C. Reilly (Magnolia, pretty much everything filmed in the last 10 years), walked off the Swedish set of director Lars von Trier's Manderlay to protest the on-screen killing of a donkey. Said a spokeswoman, "We tried very hard to use a puppet instead of a real donkey because we really needed to show a donkey being killed for the film, but when that didn t work we approached a vet and asked him to provide us with an animal that was due to be slaughtered anyway."

Fox's The Swan, the makeover show that takes so-called "ugly ducklings," slaps enormous, fake tits on them, then prods the better experiment results into a Frankenstein's bride beauty pageant, has been picked up for a second season. They've already begun casting for the second edition's scalpel-fodder.

We've already predicted that Envy is not exactly going to set the weekend on fire; all indications are that it's more likely to be a brown paper bag full of dog shit aflame on Dreamworks's doorstep. Sure, giving Jack Black a Lollipop Guild hairdo and putting him in the center of a movie about feces sounds like box office gold on paper. Let's just be thankful they didn't give him a talking dog.

As if this picture isn't disturbing enough, there's a creepy Diane Keaton resemblance sure to haunt our Friday night dreams.

This week is a tough one, with four major releases joining the fray. (We're feeling generous and including Envy as a major release.) Predictions are for recreational purposes only, and any profits reaped from the misuse of these projections should not be used to greenlight any further remakes of marginal movies from the 1970s and 1980s.

Is the Matrix trilogy writer-director Larry Wachowski finally ready to chop off his Neo and unleash his inner Trinity? There's been longtime speculation in Hollywood that Larry (not to be confused with brother and partner Andy, who apparently was born into a correctly-sexed body), has been planning a sex-change operation to become "Linda." But in the NY Daily News, Rush & Molloy relate the Chicago Sun Times' assertion that "longtime friends" say he's ready for the big switch. Maybe if he'd made up his mind a little faster, the last two Matrix movies wouldn't have been so mind-bendingly confusing.

Richard Roeper, fifty percent of "Ebert and Roeper" (and recipient of one-hundred percent of Roger Ebert's incredulous, "The fuck you say?" stares) puts his staggering powers of prognostication and discernment on display in discussing this summer's upcoming blockbusters:

Banterist seems more than a little displeased with Elton John's loony accusations that last week's American Idol voting was racist. He writes an open letter to the pop legend turned Disney soundtrack factory:

The Writers Guild of America (WGA) says that they are willing to negotiate the past the Sunday expiry of their contract with the studios, as it doesn't appear that a deal will be done before the deadline, according to published reports. But the studios are anxious to resolve the discussions well in advance of the May 17th "upfront" meetings where networks and advertisers negotiate advertising rates for the upcoming TV season.

The Oregonian does us a favor and presents a list of celebrities who've at least dabbled in Kabbalah. Of course, individual cultish Jewish Mysticism mileage may vary. Madonna's all wacky for Kabbalah's blessed water and sells her book through the Kabbalah Centre; others may just have been spotted with a red string accidentally hanging off the cuff of a sweater, which provides absolutely no protection from the evil eye.

Paramount Pictures has taken a stroll down an aisle in its archives, spun around three times, and randomly pointed a finger, thus becoming the latest contestant in the hot game "Let's Remake...THAT One!" Billy Bob Thornton is to star in a remake of the 1976 baseball comedy The Bad News Bears.

• Olsen Twins Get Star on the Walk of Fame [AP via Yahoo!]

FRIDAY:
-See Moving Units play with "Special Guests" at the Glass House in Pomona, and wonder aloud that the "Guests" look a hell of a lot like the Pixies. (Who just happen to be playing Coachella on Saturday).

Wherein we attempt to translate the humpy gabber's gossipspeak into Standard American English.

Whoops! Look like Mischa Barton forgot that she'd slagged Fred Segal's clothes in the national press. The O.C. star (you know, the hot one that can't act. No, the other hot one that can't act) tried to infiltrate the Melrose Ave store like nothing happened and had her skinny little butt tossed out on the pavement like a bag full of wire hangers. It's understandable that she couldn't remember what she'd said; we lose our short-term memory when we're hungry, too.

Wired's and BoingBoing's Xeni Jardin has the story of AOL customer service rep turned Hollywood player Heather Robinson, who used her position to get personal information on celebrities and producers and use it to strike up online friendships. She used these friendships (and the dirt she turned up in naughty IM conversations) to score a couple of movie deals. The Perfect Man, which stars Hilary Duff and Heather Locklear and is based on Robinson's real-life exploits creating a fake suitor for her mother, should be in theaters next year. Her second, even more brazen project is E-Girl, which pretties up her scamming of Hollywood personalities to get a career in the movies. Which, we're really, really hoping stars Tara Reid.

What's an aging actor who was once one of the world's biggest draws to do to try and kickstart his career? No, John Travolta's not falling asleep next to Quentin Tarantino's Pussy Wagon, clutching an FTD "Cast Me!" bouquet in his meaty paws. Today is Burt Reynold's turn. Reynolds has just signed on to star opposite Adam Sandler in a remake of The Longest Yard. And, indeed, the original The Longest Yard did star a much younger Burt Reynolds. Some might call this wink-wink casting, a knowing nod to cut a little of the "they're remaking that?" criticism. Some might call this money trouble. We'll just reserve judgment and hope that when the studios come calling with the Stroker Ace redo, Burt will have an ex-wife or beach house that needs paying off.

Everyone seems to be all in a titty-twisting tizzy over 20/20's announcement that they will be televising a segment tomorrow night in which a 16-year-old's newborn baby will be adopted by one of five desperate couples. The controversy really centers around ABC's decision to present the adoption as a sort of reality TV contest, with "winners" and "losers."

First we have Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban producing movies and starring in his own reality show, The Benefactor, in which he gives away a million dollars. According to the Hollywood Reporter, now the Maloof brothers, owners of the Sacramento Kings and the Palms Casino in Vegas, getting into television production with MGM. And guess what? They're going to have a show where they give away a pile of cash, just like Cuban.