Despite everyone's best hopes and intentions, the saga of Justin Bieber's crotch is far from over. Last week, new evidence arose suggesting that the swaggy singing sensation may actually have—as he has previously claimed—a large penis.

The long-awaited film adaptation of Twilight fanfic and bestselling smut 50 Shades of Grey is nearly upon us, but according to star Jamie Dornan, we will not be getting a full-frontal view of his dick. This is confusing, because of all the movies in the world where a guy's peen could appropriately co-star, this one tops the list.