Alert: No Full-Frontal Dick in 50 Shades of Grey Movie
The long-awaited film adaptation of Twilight fanfic and bestselling smut 50 Shades of Grey is nearly upon us, but according to star Jamie Dornan, we will not be getting a full-frontal view of his dick. This is confusing, because of all the movies in the world where a guy's peen could appropriately co-star, this one tops the list.
Apparently, this was all baked into the star's contract. "There were contracts in place that said that viewers wouldn't be seeing my, um...Yeah, my todger," Dornan told the Guardian. "You want to appeal to as wide an audience as possible without grossing them out. You don't want to make something gratuitous, and ugly, and graphic." (For those not up on their British slang, "todger" is a fun word that sounds like "toddler" but actually means "dick.")
Although, this does not necessarily mean there won't be side dick, a la Ben Affleck's is-that-a-shower-door-or-his-flaccid-penis moment in Gone Girl.
But whatever, man. You should give people more credit—I'm sure plenty of people would like to see your dick in 50 Shades of Grey. We will undoubtably see Dakota Johnson's bare breasts, if not more. Show us you stand for gender equality, Jamie Dornan, and show us your dick.
