The biggest awards night of the year is upon us. But who cares about that? Far more important is the red carpet that directly precedes it. Who will wear something that is simply spectacular? Who will go down in history for wearing something that is spectacularly awful and bound to make you question your entire existence?

The red carpet might be wearing sewage tonight, but the Hollywood's elite will be wearing far more conventional—and potentially more offensive—designs. Because sometimes, even a nice updo and the best pair of Spanx can't save terrible judgment.