Sea otters contain multitudes. They are both the smallest marine mammal and the largest member of the Mustelidae (weasel) family; they swim on their little tummies, but can also swim on their little backs; they are otters, and they are Zooey Deschanel’s daughter. But why? Well, I’ll tell you.

Zooey Deschanel gave birth to a doll-sized Edison bulb necklace three months ago. Rudely, none of us bothered to ask what she named it. Well, OK. Fine. If you’re going to be that way, completely detached from manners. Maybe you’ll never know what Zooe—Otter. Hmm, excuse me? Huh. Like I was sayi—Otter. What?