If you were Khloe Kardashian, through some kind of arcane Freaky Friday-ass blessing/curse, your first order of business would be to fly to Chipotle on a private jet with your crafty, beardy new boyfriend. Yes it would. Don’t you lie to me.

In our post-Snowden era, the importance of safeguarding our cyber-connected devices against triflin’ eyes has never been more clear, or more urgent. Just ask permanent musical teen and avid sex practitioner Bow Wow, who’s just shared a handy guide for avoiding computerized surveillance while fucking one’s fans.