In our post-Snowden era, the importance of safeguarding our cyber-connected devices against triflin’ eyes has never been more clear, or more urgent. Just ask permanent musical teen and avid sex practitioner Bow Wow, who’s just shared a handy guide for avoiding computerized surveillance while fucking one’s fans.

The opsec lesson came courtesy of Bow Wow’s official Facebook page, where the formerly little Bow Wow posted a newly surfaced post-coital James Harden selfie. Bow Wow proceeded to explain why this could’ve never happened to him: “This is how i USE to do it its called ‘leaving no evidence.’”

Sleeping with Bow Wow appears to have a great deal in common with visiting a classified government installation: “if you was chilling w me my security takes phones and you signing papers,” writes the star (presumably referring to a non-disclosure agreement). “The rule is when she leaves she gets her phone back.” This sounds very fun and romantic.

On those occasions when a sexual partner was either unwilling to hand over her phone, or when Bow Wow’s sex goons were unable to seize said device, he had a plan B:

Secondly if u forgot to take phone make sure she sleep then find her phone (usually by side of bed) i would take it put it under the bed so i KNOW im good and could sleep peacefully

Smart. Bow Wow also describes his counter-surveillance tactics:

Sometimes i would sleep somewhere else leave them all by themselves but id be watching them from my security cam. Fellas be smart we know the p***** is the most powerful thing but dont let it hypnotize you.

As an actor and musician, Bow Wow has provided us so much entertainment over the years, but it’s 2015 and we can still delight in the sinister image of this little guy sitting in some sort of security control room, alone as the last unicorn, spying on his guests. Has he built himself a party palace... or a panopticon?

Read the post in full below:

Yo i see yall boys still young rich and DUMB. Now james is my boy but let me say this now. This is how i USE to do it its called “leaving no evidence” if you was chilling w me my security takes phones and you signing papers. The rule is when she leaves she gets her phone back. Secondly if u forgot to take phone make sure she sleep then find her phone (usually by side of bed) i would take it put it under the bed so i KNOW im good and could sleep peacefully. Yall be too comfy w/ brauds yall dont know! I give credit to the ladies because most of us are just that rich and STUPID so yall know how to get us. I been caught up too before not knowing being a rookie but next time.. Leave no evidence. Sometimes i would sleep somewhere else leave them all by themselves but id be watching them from my security cam. Fellas be smart we know the p***** is the most powerful thing but dont let it hypnotize you. Ladies when yall do stuff like this, it ruins it for you because we NEVER calling you again. Why mess it up over a proof pic that you twapping a rich dude. Was it worth it? YOOOOOO JAMES WAAAKE UP BRO! zzzzzz.... #feartheblonde ps. This game aint for everybody! I took being a ladies man serious. You got to go all out PROTECT your brand your image.

Contact the author at biddle@gawker.com.
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