Mark Wahlberg, actor and producer best known for having within him the ability to have stopped the attacks of 9/11 and also for assaulting a Vietnamese man, is not the man you thought he was.

This local actor exposed a shocking anti-divorce trick after he was asked about the secret to his successful marriage with Rhea Durham while walking the red carpet at the premiere of Ted 2. From Us Magazine:

Mark Wahlberg, talented producer, actor, and violent criminal who would have stopped 9/11 if only he'd been on the plane, ate such a big breakfast after wrapping The Gambler—you have no idea!

Mark Wahlberg recently filed a petition seeking to have a 1988 assault and robbery conviction permanently cleared from his record. But what of Marky Mark's other youthful indiscretions?

The Entourage movie might cast Kate Upton, because, obviously; The Wahlberg brothers are turning to reality television, because it worked out so well for Clint Eastwood; Alec Baldwin is not a good news show host; and Brad Pitt's Fury has invoked that reaction from the Brits.

Mark Wahlberg could have been your classmate if you were a graduating senior this year; Jimmy Kimmel is a C.R.E.A.M. loyalist—except that for Kimbo, Costco Rules Everything Around Him; and Julie Chen, despite her best efforts to be a white girl, still just looks Chinese.