Michael Jackson died six years ago today. In the 2,191 days since he overdosed on medicine administered to him by his weird and gross personal doctor Conrad Murray, Jackson has, in death, generated an almost unimaginable amount of money for various corporations, creditors and his reptile-loving children.

In this era of chic, superstar babies like Blue Ivy Carter and North West, it's important to remember that sometimes celebrity children become one of America's most abundant natural resources: dumb, embarrassing, fartcloud teenagers. Let us examine the so-far cautionary tale of Michael Jackson's son: Michael Jackson, Jr. aka Prince.