Ooops.

Ryan Seacrest wants kids to be just like him: no athletic ability, but a keen understanding of pop culture; Angelina Jolie's cheekbones are intended to terrify you; NBC relies on bribery to coax their actors into working; and your S&M fantasies just got pushed back six months by Universal.

Everybody hates Ryan Seacrest; Breaking Bad's alternate storylines will paralyze you with fear; Nikki Finke still hates The Wrap; but Mark Gordon hates ICM more.

Oh Ry-Ry. I've loved you since you were just that cute flirty 24 year old, hosting "Ryan for the Ride Home" on 98.7 Star FM, balancing out Jamie and Danny's special blend of morning time crazy, and making me fall in love with you one Goo Goo Doll track at a time. But if Craigslist missed connections are to be believed, your heart will never truly be mine.