“How can Will Smith work alongside Jared Leto for six months without ever meeting Jared Leto?” It’s a classic riddle—one which has teased the brains of newborn and elderly alike for eons. “A river,” you guess, like an idiot. “A coffin,” you guess, like another idiot. “The surgeon is his mother.” No.

As of this writing, the profile picture on professional actor Will Smith’s Facebook page has one and a half million likes. It is a black and white photograph of the actor’s face obscured partially by a blurred, spread-fingered hand. It is cropped to the incorrect proportions for Facebook, where the professional actor has categorized himself as a Musician/Band. If you are in need of a deep happy sob, go to this page—it am legend.

To illustrate how cool and nonmaterialist his son Jaden is, Will Smith told a goddamn lie to Esquire:

Jimmy Fallon opened his first monologue of The Tonight Show Monday night with one promise: "I'm Jimmy Fallon and I'll be your host… for now." He then thanked all the hosts who have come before him, including "Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno."

Jenny McCarthy, vaccination-denier and Queen of Idiot Nation, is pissed you think her son doesn't have autism. In other idiot news, Charlie Sheen might have married a porn star, and Will Smith misses Uncle Phil. All this and more in your Defamer Monday breakdowns.

Nepotism: Hollywood’s great new equalizer for white women and members of Will Smith’s “African-American clan.”