Unrepentant Donut-Licker Ariana Grande Walks Free, Could Lick Again

21.76K

Jay Hathaway

07/13/15 02:53PM

Filed to: Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande, toony tiny pop singer who could basically wear a cupcake wrapper as a long skirt, was recently caught on video licking donuts that she had not purchased. Sadly, despite her flouting of American donut law and basic hygiene, she will not face criminal mischief charges, TMZ reports. That means Ariana Grande’s sandpapery forked demon-tongue could be all over your donuts right now.

The victimized donut shop, Wolfee Donuts, is partially to blame for letting Grande walk free. TMZ reports the owner declined to press charges against the singer (and, presumably, her donut-licking backup dancer boyfriend-accomplice).

Ariana has apologized multiple times for saying she hates America, but has been far less repentant about her mistreatment of American donuts. This, coupled with the fact she may be Satan, suggests she will strike again. She could lick anything, anywhere, at any time. Donuts in particular. None of us is truly safe.

[Photo: Ariana Grande/Instagram]

The following replies are approved. To see additional replies that are pending approval, click Show Pending. Warning: These may contain graphic material.

75

Avery Jane Spencer Jay Hathaway 07/13/15 03:07PM

For those of you saying that you lost respect for Ariana, I have a burning question:

Why in the ever-loving fuck did you respect her to begin with?

101

cheerful_exgirlfriend Avery Jane Spencer 07/13/15 03:13PM

As a lazy person I respected her ability to get people to carry her everywhere.

9

Avery Jane Spencer cheerful_exgirlfriend 07/13/15 03:15PM

I respect that even though I know I shouldn't!

24

BullfightsOnAcid cheerful_exgirlfriend 07/13/15 03:24PM

7

HiMyNameIsJayAgain Avery Jane Spencer 07/13/15 03:30PM

I respect the way she just says “fuck pronouncing Rs” in her song “Break Free.”

15

Cam/ron Jay Hathaway 07/13/15 03:02PM

All right armchair psychologists, what would Freud say about doughnut-licking?

4

TomCalancy Cam/ron 07/13/15 03:04PM

She likes to eat the booty like groceries.

35

Huffleigh Cam/ron 07/13/15 03:05PM

“Tell me about your mother.”

1

Dr. Steve Brule Cam/ron 07/13/15 03:07PM

“She’s one dumb motherfucker.”

20

Of What Doth Thou Speak Willis Cam/ron 07/13/15 03:08PM

“She eez a typical narcissistic millennial,” he would say.

11

Kenny and the Llamas Jay Hathaway 07/13/15 03:01PM

Fuckin’ California legal system. First OJ, now her. When will it end???? What heinous crime does it take to actually do time in CA???? Damn hippies.

47

Cam/ron Kenny and the Llamas 07/13/15 03:13PM

What heinous crime does it take to actually do time in CA?

Watering your lawn more than three times a week.

6

Kenny and the Llamas Cam/ron 07/13/15 03:16PM

Well, to be fair, we should build a gulag for the likes of Tom Selleck. Out by the Salton Sea, I’m thinking.

1

Greasy Thumb Guzik Kenny and the Llamas 07/13/15 03:20PM

The LA County District Attorney’s office is the home office of Star Fuckers International. If a two-bit minor celeb like her can get away with this, I wonder what a A+++ celeb can get away with? Cold blooded, pre-meditated murder caught on video?

Sktroop Kenny and the Llamas 07/13/15 03:41PM

Only if you aren’t rich

16

BitchMeeToo Jay Hathaway 07/13/15 03:06PM

1

HunterPenceNoneTheRicher BitchMeeToo 07/13/15 04:57PM

PROSTITUTE WHOOOOOOOOORE

lmfao! Best wishes to that poor table cloth.

jonbenet ramsay snow eaten by tobesthewonderdog BitchMeeToo 07/14/15 05:13PM