"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets," Paul Tournier famously said. Why, then, won't Cameron Diaz just fucking tell us whether or not she's engaged to goddamn Benji Madden?

We learned in October that there was a chance celebrity Cameron Diaz had agreed to include early 2000s mall man Benji Madden in every memory she will make until her notable death.

Yet, in a recent interview with Cosmopolitan, published over a month after we first heard the rumor, Diaz still refused to talk:

Diaz neither confirms nor denies recent reports of an upcoming wedding to Benji Madden, but shares thoughts on what makes for a good relationship:

Thanks but no thanks I came here for one thing and one thing only and that thing is confirmation of the fact that you are currently engaged to a man formerly notable in some lunch circles please keep your thoughts on what makes a good relationship to yourse—:

"You have to find someone in the same place as you are. Timing is everything. If you get into a relationship where you want something the guy doesn't want, it's never gonna work. You're never going to get him to be in that place. No matter how old you are, finding the guy who's in the same place as you are and wants to show up is the only way a relationship works, period."

OK.

But.

ENGAGED TO BENJI YES OR NO?

[images via Getty]