Hey—ahh. Man, hey, um—look at this! Hey! Cameron Diaz’s husband Benji Madden from PacSun break room mid-day motivation band Good Charlotte got a new scalp tattoo—isn’t it good? [Nodding with eyes wide to convey the idea that you should do the same.] Hmm?
Hard to believe it, but it's true: movie star Cameron Diaz has been married to Joel Madden's brother Benji Madden for almost two months. Time will tell if these two crazy kids are meant to live and love together for the rest of their natural lives, but Benji's confident—he has forever altered his chest with the beautiful scripted name in ink you see above.
Earlier this week, Cameron Diaz, movie star, got married to Benji Madden, backup vocalist and second most famous member of the unmemorable pop-punk band Good Charlotte. The festivities were spread out over the course of two days. Among the delights: a disappointed toast; the guest list of your dreams (your confusing, barely-remembered dreams that don't make sense upon waking); a quasi-Klan hood in beautiful bridal white. "Shit, fuck" said Diaz (reportedly), shortly before walking down the aisle. "This is fucked up."
Oh my god. Is your tuxedo pressed? You don't own one? Ugh, all right, that's an argument for another time—right now we have to hurry because Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden are getting married TONIGHT!
"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets," Paul Tournier famously said. Why, then, won't Cameron Diaz just fucking tell us whether or not she's engaged to goddamn Benji Madden?
As we are all well aware, Cameron Diaz—celebrity—and Benji Madden—second-most-famous Madden brother in early-2000s PacSun tribute group Good Charlotte—are dating. Rumors arose in July that the couple might (somehow) be on the path to marriage, and today People reports that they may have taken the first step.
Jimmy Kimmel speaks to "Rob Ford" about drunken stupors; Cameron Diaz can't act her way out of a bad accent; superhero overkill is coming to Netflix; and Olivia Benson is getting exactly what she deserves.
