Leonardo DiCaprio, actor and founding member of the Pussy Posse, recently dined at Nobu in Malibu, California with Bradley Cooper, as well as—hmm, hold on, ahh-maybe it's, hmm, if I just...lemme see, uh—zero models?!

According to Just Jared, DiCaprio and Cooper were seen waiting for their cars at the valet outside of Nobu on Tuesday, surrounded by "some additional pals." Please note the language used: "some additional pals." Please note the language not used: "leggy blondes," "models," "leggy models," "babes," "female friends," "women at 1Oak nightclub," etc.

Because we know Leonardo DiCaprio is rarely seen without a horde of models in a way that can sometimes seem like he is trying to prove something but also maybe he just really likes models, that leaves us with one big question: Where were Leonardo DiCaprio and Bradley Cooper hiding all of the models while they were outside waiting for the valet, as well as possibly while they were inside of Nobu?

Some options:

  • Under the table.
  • In their suit jacket inside pockets.
  • In the bathroom.
  • In the coat closet.
  • Clasped in their strong hands.
  • Right next to them. In a stunning illusion, each actor wore makeup to disguise his face as the left half of his face, while the model wore makeup to appear as the right. With faces pressed together, each appeared as one. (Each also wore larger versions of the left and right side of the actors' outfits.)
  • Under their hats.
  • The models sat at another table and the actors simply made eyes at them, until later.
  • The models dressed as Nobu waitresses and sometimes got up to take a lap around the dining room.
  • Cooper and DiCaprio's "cars" were models in the shape of a car, dressed as car parts.
  • The models were having a party at one of the actors' homes, Cooper and DiCaprio would periodically video chat the party people and would sometimes attempt to "feed" the camera on their phone, for a joke.
  • Bradley Cooper and Leonardo DiCaprio weren't there—instead, models in realistic Bradley Cooper and Leonardo DiCaprio masks.
  • Under their hats, if I didn't already say that one.

Hmm. Maybe!

In any case, as far as we know, this one is a big: 0% model.

Images via Getty. Contact the author at kelly.conaboy@gawker.com.