This guy from the movie Burnt says he cooks, too. Yeah right!

Jeremy Renner, semi-recognizable professional pretender who once crashed a wedding, stayed for an hour, and refused to take photographs with the bride and groom, has something to say about attempting to close the gender pay gap: “that’s not my job.” Go on...

Trust—it’s a hard thing to earn, but damn if it’s not an easy thing to lose. No one knows this better than Bradley Cooper, an outrageous Hollywood liar who once claimed to have “worked for most of” his life as a cook.

One of the fabulous things about being a celebrity is people will listen to you talk about anything you want to talk about—even if you straight up admit you have no idea what it is you’re talking about.

Bradley Cooper is making the rounds promoting his upcoming film Burnt, and he recently was the subject of a Details magazine cover story. No doubt drunk on Wet Hot American Summer-fueled goodwill, Cooper chose to tell Details, and, through Details, us all, a brazen and outrageous lie.

This weekend’s major film release is Cameron Crowe’s Hawaiian wet dream Aloha, starring Bradley Cooper, Rachel McAdams and Bill Murray, plus Caucasian, Arizona-born Emma Stone as a part-native Hawaiian named Allison Ng. Aloha currently has a very bad 14% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is not a surprise considering the film’s financiers openly lamented how painful and shitty the movie is.

Sardi’s is a very famous restaurant in New York City where caricatures of famous people have been drawn and hung on the walls for thousands of years. Bradley Cooper is a famous person who went there recently to meet a drawing of a woman who looked just like him. Maybe next time you’ll get your shot, Brad!

Leonardo DiCaprio, actor and founding member of the Pussy Posse, recently dined at Nobu in Malibu, California with Bradley Cooper, as well as—hmm, hold on, ahh-maybe it's, hmm, if I just...lemme see, uh—zero models?!

Oh my god, did you hear that Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse made out at Coachella, even though they broke up in March? It's true. (Allegedly.)

Are Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper having sex? Yes, almost certainly. Why wouldn't they. However, Jennifer Lawrence would like to assure you (unprompted) there is "no sex" in their professional work spouse relationship—mmhm.

The 20 stars nominated for Academy Awards this year represent some of the most talented (or, anyway, famous) actors on screen today. At one point, however, they were slack-jawed, blank-eyed, no-name novices. They’d probably like to forget their often humiliating early work, but thanks to the magic of technology, they can never escape it. From Ed Norton’s educational ESL VHS to Emma Stone’s completely mortifying renditions of pop songs on an American Idol knock-off show, so much of the early work of these nominees is jaw-droppingly bad.

Critics everywhere agree: American Sniper is a movie with a fake, plastic baby. The doll who plays Bradley Cooper's child is so transparently not alive that it's hard to believe it appears in an Oscar contender with a $60 million budget. What was Clint Eastwood thinking here?

Bradley Cooper—poor, sweet, onetime Sexiest Man Alive Bradley Cooper—apparently does not think himself that handsome.

American Sniper, Clint Eastwood's latest jingoistic drama, stars (a plump!) Bradley Copper as Navy SEAL Chris Kyle, the U.S. military's deadliest sniper ever. Looks tense. This Oscar-bait (so says Vulture) might be just the kind of moral bludgeoning you need when it comes out this Christmas: The trailer interpolates images of Cooper holding and crying with his baby and Sienna Miller as he trains his crosshairs on a woman and a child with a bomb. Fun fact: Steven Spielberg was originally set up to direct this movie, but then he changed his mind.

If the Critics Choice Awards are accurate predictions for the Oscars, it looks like it will continue to be a great year for 12 Years a Slave, American Hustle, and Gravity. On late Thursday afternoon, the Broadcast Film Critics Association presented the prestigious awards to predictable winners in an airplane hangar in Santa Monica; adding to the glamour was the fact that the event was sponsored by Pinkberry. If there's anything sadder than staying at home to watch an awards show on the CW, it's watching an awards show that stars Tom Hanks eating froyo.

Throughout this weekend writer Ray Lemoine and others will be contributing short bits of coverage to Defamer from the front lines of the Golden Globes party scene. The first dispatch comes from M.R. Herman.