National treasure Amy Poehler was recently honored with a Lifetime Impact award at Variety's annual Power of Women luncheon—no surprise there, as there's nothing Hollywood's prom queen/student council president/AV club co-chair can't accomplish. But instead of her traditional blend of humor with gravitas, Poehler's speech about the work she's done with Worldwide Orphans was simultaneously heartbreaking and heartwarming—she was even moved to tears throughout.

Saturday Night Live has found a new way to offend—and I don't just mean its subpar cast; The Mindy Project finally landed a guest star after two seasons of begging for one; your tweets are now being counted into what keeps a show on the air; and The Simpsons has been renewed the gazillionth time.

For jaded TV viewers, the best part of premiere season isn't searching for the gem of a new show that might save network television in the battle against cable. It's the schadenfreude that comes from gleefully placing bets ahead of time on what show will find itself axed first—that's the real fun! And this year, that distinct honor went to ABC's drama Lucky 7.

Which overhyped show should you watch? In Showdowns, Defamer's Beejoli Shah and Gawker's Rich Juzwiak tackle the tough issues: Which show each night this week sucks the least during the premiere season of this "Golden Age of Television."

Things aren't coming up roses for NBC President of Entertainment, Jen Salke. Just hours after Defamer posted a profile about her powder-hitting, ghost-hunting ways, we received this tip from a source who works on NBC's The Michael J. Fox Show. (The claim was subsequently backed up by someone familiar with the situation.)

Contrary to popular belief, CBS does not greenlight shows solely on the basis of flatulence; anti-bullying initiatives find a new medium for their message; asshole extraordinaire director rises to the top despite being an asshole; and Disney decides to tackle the truly dark stuff: angry princesses.

Being the president of a floundering, working-its-way-out-of-fifth-place network is hard! So what's NBC President of Entertainment Jen Salke doing to help right the rapidly sinking scripted ship? Skiing, chatting with her old bosses, avoiding work, and embarrassing Sean Hayes, of course. Also: hunting ghosts.

Being a DJ is the new being a lazy drug addict when it comes to jobs for celebrity children; Vine is the way to become a celebrity drug addict when you don't have famous parents; Sleepy Hollow got picked up for season 2 and ughhhhh I can't it's so awful just stop; Exxon is suing FXX over a logo, because those are the pressing matters at hand, not oil spill cleanups.

There's an important thing you should to know about (current? who can keep track, really) journalist turned filmmaker Peter Landesman, a thing that can just barely be gleaned from the oddly self-congratulatory Vanity Fair and Hollywood Reporter interviews that came out last month as his directorial debut Parkland—a Tom Hanks-produced JFK assassination biopic—was set to open at the Venice and Toronto film festivals. Peter Landesman is a colossal dick.

Which overhyped show should you watch? In Showdowns, Defamer's Beejoli Shah and Gawker's Rich Juzwiak tackle the tough issues: Which show each night this week sucks the least during the premiere season of this "Golden Age of Television."

Being a stagehand is about to become the new hot profession; talking bears are the new vampires; Ron Swanson is a shoplifter of Kotex; and a beloved TV character returns to the small screen!

Which overhyped show should you watch? In Showdowns, Defamer's Beejoli Shah and Gawker's Rich Juzwiak tackle the tough issues: Which show each night this week sucks the least during the premiere season of this "Golden Age of Television."

Despite raking in over $200 million each for World War Z, Star Trek: Into The Darkness, and over $100 million for G.I. Joe: Retaliation, heads are rolling at Paramount. 110 employees were let go today to cut film and TV costs.

The government shutdown is upon us, and your crack team here at Defamer (me, sorry) is here to help you figure out what that means for the people that matter most: Hollywood!

Pamela Anderson's curvaceous cantaloupes will be bouncing up to her chin yet again. The Republicans Grinched us out of our Hilary documentaries. YouTube is awarding things to people for god knows what reason. Tom Hanks may or may not serenade his wife with "Your sex takes me to paradise."

Which overhyped show should you watch? In Showdowns, Defamer's Beejoli Shah and Gawker's Rich Juzwiak tackle the tough issues: Which show each night this week sucks the least during the premiere season of this "Golden Age of Television."

Being a PR flack isn't easy. Much of the job revolves around using Exacto knives to perfectly clip Us Weekly articles for EPKs without slitting your own wrists, shuttling celebrities from point A to point B (point A being the top of the red carpet, point B being 3 feet down the red carpet), and staying out of the camera's watchful eye themselves, all while subsisting on a diet of Diet Coke and Parliament Lights. It's no wonder most publicists have got one hell of a bitchy resting face.

Lessons learned: 1) Don't name your startup after an oppressive political ideology. 2) Get a more sound advisor than a guy who made trucker hats cool and his old ball and chain who loves dick jewelry.