Human jelly beans and BFFS Teenz and Ames will be hosting the Golden Globes again, hurrah!; Kelso is the richest man on your 62"; Michael Fassbender and little Michael Fassbender will not be campaigning for an Oscar this year; Aaron Paul has turned Bitch! into a song.

Despite opening to a strong $26 million this weekend, the Tom Hanks starrer Captain Phillips has found itself in hot water: The real crew from the Maersk Alabama that was taken by Somali pirates state that the film account of their hijacking was less based on a true story and far more an account of revisionist historical fiction.

Hollywood's favorite M&M's-addicted bully is the reason we can't have nice things. Or at least why the Sundance Film Festival can no longer have nice things, and instead has to have Paris Hilton, paparazzi, and worst of all, Hollywood.

It costs $326,260 to air a 30-second commercial on The Big Bang Theory. Breaking it down further, that is $10,875.33 a second. To put that in perspective, the average American makes $52,100 a year, which is $25.04 an hour, 41 cents a minute, and less than a cent per second. The Big Bang Theory makes almost 2 million times more than you at any given moment.

London's mayor Boris Johnson thinks Harry Potter and Cho Chang's interracial romance signals the bright future of China and the UK's relationship. He also called Cho an overseas student, but if you watched the movies Boris, you'd know she's just from the UK too.

Madonna gets banned from a movie theater for poor use of insults; Charlie Hunnam drops out of 50 Shades of Grey because no reason, definitely not cold feet or anything; Bill Murray won't be able to come to your parties for a few weeks—he's got a REAL job to do—and Edward Norton will be trying to save a show that should be taken out back and humanely shot between the eyes.

Fox, showing a commitment to both casual racism and subpar attempts at humor, has ordered six more episodes of Dads. Seth Green and Giovanni Ribisi will continue to play caricatures of Seth Green and Giovanni Ribisi trapped in awful roles.

Trouble With The Curve, Warner Brother's box office smash that turned then-unknown Justin Timberlake a household name (just kidding, it sucked), has come into some legal hot water: namely, over who should actually get credit for the film.

Forty Days of Dating, the ever-grating performance art re-enactment of He's Just Not That Into You, will soon be coming to the literary world. Creators Timothy Goodman and Jessica Walsh, not content to keep their romantic misery to themselves, will be releasing a book chronicling the 40 days they spent in 2013 trying to bump uglies while letting the whole world watch.

Not content with objectifying just her own nipples, here is a photo of Lena Dunham milking a cow on the streets of New York.

With its 9 Emmy nominations and 3 wins, Netflix's House of Cards didn't just shatter the fourth wall, it shattered records for online content as well. But is it going to call its own government shutdown after just two seasons?

A newly christened partnership between Twitter and Comcast makes you wonder two things: how many people are going to read a tweet about a TV show and immediately drop what they're doing to watch that show? And how will this make anyone money?

Between slamming her Grey's Anatomy writers, being fired by her publicists, and recent unsurprising reports of insane behavior towards cast and crew on her films, it's no secret that Katherine Heigl is hard to work with. But did she bully The Hollywood Reporter into dropping a mention of her in an interview with Shonda Rhimes, released today?

Hot on the heels of their desperate partnership with Nielsen, Twitter and Comcast-backed NBC Universal have entered into a partnership that will help you stop watching television on your actual television, because really, why would you do something crazy like that?

If Dreamworks got its way, Breaking Bad would have lasted just a little longer; you can now watch Rupert Grint be super charming in Super Clyde, the pilot CBS stupidly passed on; Hollywood is going to bat for ex-Focus Features CEO James Schamus; even award-winning editing can't help Justin Timberlake, and that's saying something.

In a 1583 word soliloquy, Deadline's film editor Mike Fleming announced today that he will be stepping up his role at the troubled e-trade, and will officially be spending half a year in Los Angeles and the remainder at his Long Island home. But does this mean he's being groomed to replace editor-in-chief, Nikki Finke?

Dan Harmon is a colossal dick. Any modicum of talent he maybe possesses is besmirched by his colossal dickishness in every other gross pig way. He was such a colossal dick to work with, NBC fired him off of his own show (when your show is airing on a network that was run into the ground by hard-partying douchebag Ben Silverman, and even they won't look the other way on your cocaine-snorting workdays, you know you're a dick). Then, when they hired him back, instead of projecting a deservedly smug image, Harmon compared the season not run by him to watching his family "get raped on a beach." Pleasant.

Nielsen, the ratings monitoring service that gives networks the ammo to charge exorbitant prices for commercials, released their first "Twitter TV ratings"—ratings metrics that take into account social-media activity—this Monday.

Tom Hanks isn't just fighting pirates, a larger battle is raging on inside his body; it's Showtime's fault that the finale of Dexter sucked; Cory Feldman's reputation has been ruined thanks to a little blog that could; Woody Allen loves lung cancer, hates lung cancer awareness.