Human jelly beans and BFFS Teenz and Ames will be hosting the Golden Globes again, hurrah!; Kelso is the richest man on your 62"; Michael Fassbender and little Michael Fassbender will not be campaigning for an Oscar this year; Aaron Paul has turned Bitch! into a song.

  • Everything is amazing in the world because Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and their 4 sweet golden globes will be hosting the 2014 Golden Globes! Neil Patrick Harris, take note. [TVWeek]
  • The highest paid actor in television is Ashton Kutcher, because yes, we live in a world where Kelso makes more in one episode than you will in a lifetime. [Forbes]
  • Michael Fassbender will not be campaigning for an Oscar for 12 Years A Slave, because he actually has a job to do: acting. File this under "Reasons I Love Michael Fassbender That Don't Include His Giant Penis." [GQ]
  • Aaron Paul has a new song called "Dance Bitch" and it's apparently doing quite well. [THR]

Breakdowns is a daily roundup of all the news that wasn't interesting enough to deserve two paragraphs.