It’s Emmys time. Will Netflix and premium cable dominate as usual? Only one way to find out: click this post.

Look to your left. Look to your right. One of those people just may be: Scarlett Johansson.

Australia is really not kidding around—they’ve charged Amber Heard with the illegal importation of Johnny Depp’s dogs, meaning she could, technically, face up to 10 years in an Australian prison.

In the gossip item he was born (or at least named) to write, Page Six’s Richard Johnson reports that Michael Douglas has a big dick. Roll the footage:

Who do you look at when you’re conducting an interview with someone who speaks in a foreign language—the subject or the translator? That remained unclear throughout my 30-minute discussion with Japanese visual artist Takashi Murakami and his translator Yuko Sakata earlier this week at the Criterion offices in New York. Close Criterion associate Janus Film is distributing Murakami’s first movie, Jellyfish Eyes, which Murakami was in town to promote. My eyes mostly darted back and forth between Murakami and Sakata as I asked questions about his work and movie, an ‘80s-esque tale about a boy and his fantastical pet that he uses to battle his classmates’ similarly fantastical pets in Pokemon fashion. To do so, they use controllers (“Devices”) issued by a local research center that’s actually run by an ominous bunch (the Black-Cloaked Four) who are stealing the children’s negative energy. Jellyfish Eyes is at once conventional by owing much of its plot and spirit to countless films and shows that came before it, and utterly insane. It’s by no means perfect, and often rests on cute—a fact of which Murakami himself seems to be aware. “Although the theatrical version may appear somewhat rough on the edges, I believe, for a first film, I have managed to create something with a solid structure,” he says in an interview provided in the movie’s press notes.

As she will proudly tell you, fledgling memoirist Kristin Cavallari named her one of her sons “Camden” and the other “Jaxon.” While no other Earth child currently carries the name Jaxon, there are other Camdens. One of those lesser Camdens, in particular, makes Kristin feel bitchy.

A rash of shenanigans have occurred on the hallowed Broadway stage in the past few weeks and now it’s time for them to stop.

Shapewear mogul and Real Housewife of New York City Heather “Holla” Thomson is quitting the show after three seasons, according to Us Weekly. A source tells the mag our favorite Berkshires native can’t handle the drama any longer. Heather, no—stay strong! Drama is what gives you life—Holla!

Nigh three weeks ago now, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner announced that after three kids and 10 years of marriage, they’re getting divorced. Why? Well no one knows exactly, but names like Margot Robbie, J.Lo, Blackjack, and Blake Lively have been thrown around in the tabloids as reasons the Afflecks could no longer make it work.

At first blush, you might think that Trainwreck is not your average romantic comedy. At its center is a female protagonist whose habits include getting drunk, getting high, fucking, and breaking hearts. She’s surrounded by feminized males who enjoy tea-party settings, Downton Abbey, and cuddling. That it’s all been thought up by and stars Amy Schumer may be all you need to believe that Trainwreck has the potential to be something truly special. Well, it isn’t.

Is the third Divergent movie actually a child snuff film? No, but not, apparently, for lack of trying.

Kindhearted giant Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was on the set of his upcoming film Central Intelligence Tuesday when a “little accident” occurred that caused him to give forth a hearty chuckle from the depths of his gargantuan throat.

People reports Louis Tomlinson, the member of One Direction whose features are most beautifully feminine, is having a baby with Los Angeles-based stylist Briana Jungwirth. Congratulations to the surprised couple!

Twenty days of Kristin ago, Kristin Cavallari chose to forsake her followers in pursuit of cold, hard cash by making the once free-to-access Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android cost $2.99. Per month. Readers (?) of the app revolted, and so seven days later, Kristin quietly expressed a change of heart.

Of all the unfair things in the world, perhaps the most unfair is the belief held by some that a person in the public eye retains the right to—for months—not tell us about her boyfriend and whether or not she likes him. Tell us. Women—tell us. It is our right and your duty.

Singer/anger-haver Sinead O’Connor apparently just got wind of Kim Kardashian’s weeks-old Rolling Stone cover. Here is what O’Connor had to say about it earlier today on Facebook:

The Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation announced today that it has funded $15 million in grants to environmental conservation organizations across the world. Leonardo DiCaprio himself, actor and founding member of the Pussy Posse Foundation, was spotted in Los Angeles with zero models.

According to E! News, reality TV star and lite alcohol tycoon Bethenny Frankel has been dating Modern Family’s Eric Stonestreet “casually for a few months now.” They were spotted last week at a Dodgers game and at the CAA upfronts in May, where the above photo was taken. What does Frankel have to say about this report?

Since Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner announced their long-rumored divorce on June 30th, 2015, the world has been fixated on a singular issue: the Greek debt crisis. Also: whether, at any given moment, Ben Affleck is wearing his wedding ring or not. Let’s take a closer look at Ben’s tortuous love affair—with his ring.

Sean Baker’s Sundance hit Tangerine was shot on iPhones, and it looks like it. Its colors are nauseatingly saturated and its angles are often strange and unflattering. It stars non-professional actors and it shows. Leads Kitana Kiki Rodriguez (she plays Sin-Dee) and Mya Taylor (Alexandra) recite their lines in a stilted manner, frequently pausing too long between cues to seem natural. Its primary plot is so simplistic it’s insulting: Sin-Dee searches for and then abducts Dinah (Mickey O’Hagan), the biological woman (“real fish”) with whom Sin-Dee’s pimp/fiance Chester (James Ransone) had sex while Sin-Dee was in jail.