Actress Rebel Wilson might play a college student in a terrible new movie I shan’t deign to identify here, but an old classmate of hers (no pun intended) says she hasn’t been one for a long time—longer than you think—no even longer than that!

Wilson threw herself a 29th birthday this year, apparently angering the old friend (again, no pun intended), who perhaps did not age as well as Wilson. Upon learning of Wilson’s alleged trickery, the presumably shriveled, elderly frenemy went straight to Women’s Day to set the record straight! And she brought receipts!

“I studied with Rebel at Tara Anglican School for Girls in North Parramatta, Sydney,” spills the source. “But no-one knew of a Rebel Wilson. Her name is – or was – Melanie Elizabeth Bownds, and she’s 36 – she was born in 1979 and we left school in 1997.”

36!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And she still looks younger than Lorde. Damn.

Images via AP, Women’s Day. Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.