It’s been 135 days since Kristin Cavallari commenced work on her debut memoir, The Book Formerly Known As Balancing on Heels, and I began following her efforts with this column. Though I have not yet been able to review Kristin’s work (365 more days), today she has chosen to review mine.
Today—June 8, 2015—is Kristin Cavallari’s second wedding anniversary with her husband, Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. Aww.
In 2012, years before Kristin Cavallari ever considered writing the book she now claims to have finished, Dear Doctor–a magazine for dental professionals and patients that I have never personally seen but am willing to believe exists—posed a question to its readers. “Who’s got the best celebrity smile of 2012?”
Earlier this week, former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari announced that she has finished writing her debut “lifestyle” “book,” Balancing in Heels. The project—originally titled Balancing on Heels—is set for publication many, many months from now. When will we, the wretched, be able to purchase it?
Spring’s dramatic weather fluctuations have lately made dressing difficult for some—but Kristin Cavallari’s style is only getting more stylish and good. We think. We thought? Who knows; let’s ask People.
Yesterday, we noted that Kristin Cavallari is selling two new jewelry items with mysterious names. One is called “Little Brown Around,” the other, “Little Squiggle.” What do these names mean? What exactly is Kristin selling?
“There’s a ton” of new Kristin Cavallari-branded jewelry available for purchase online today, according to Kristin. Two new items from her line called Emerald Duv—pronunciation unknown—are especially exciting. One is called “Little Brown Around,” the other, “Little Squiggle.” Can you guess what they are?
Yesterday I woke up confused, like I’d been bludgeoned with a turquoise bangle in my sleep. It turns out that I was just remembering a blog post on People’s website titled, “9 Reasons Kristin Cavallari Is Even More Stylish Than We Thought.” Is she? Even more stylish than we thought? Please hand me two baby aspirin and we’ll discuss.
I forgot to post yesterday’s. Do you think Kristin noticed?
As Memorial Day prompts us to remember the fallen soldiers who fought for our country, so too are we reminded that Kristin Cavallari once attended a Marine Corps Ball in San Diego, California. In 2011, Kristin said “yes” to Lance Cpl. Jonathan Burkett when he asked her to the dance on Twitter.
We all have our missions in this life. For some, their mission is to create. For others, their mission is to heal. For still others, their mission is to teach; that’s Kristin Cavallari’s mission—to teach about Kristin Cavallari.
Kristin got a star on her foot.
Kristin Cavallari claims to know a lot: she promises her debut book (due out in 384 days) will cover fashion, beauty, “mommy and wife stuff,” health, fitness, and “really just everything” in her life. Will it include facts about her adopted city of Chicago—The Big Onion—Kristin’s Kind of Town—as well? Perhaps, because she also knows that.
Perhaps you’ve heard: Kristin Cavallari is expecting. (A lot from life in general, apparently, and also a baby.) The fledgling memoirist is, by my count, about 115 days into her pregnancy, which means that a baby shower must be on the horizon. What will this party entail? A reality show that she would absolutely not do again? If history’s any indication, then yes.
