Somewhere between Girl, Interrupted, and “Girl, I’m gonna have to interrupt you because you’re going on and on and not saying shit,” is By the Sea. In it, Angelina Jolie plays a disturbed woman named Vanessa who can barely muster more than a sentence at time as she vacations in costal France with her novelist husband, Roland (Brad Pitt). Jolie wrote, directed, and produced this portrait of a relationship on the brink of collapse. From anyone else, it would be mystifying as to how something so dull and inept got made by a major studio. From an A-lister, it makes sense. Superstar entitlement—that which comes from within and without—is the only logical explanation for this horrendous movie.

Two years after revealing that she underwent a double mastectomy because she carries a gene mutation that increases breast and ovarian cancer risk, Angelina Jolie writes in The New York Times that she had her ovaries and fallopian tubes removed last week. "I am now in menopause," she says.

Everyone's excited about Angelina Jolie today. As usual, it's not because she made a movie. Angelina Jolie never makes movies people are excited about.

The Associated Press reports Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were married on Saturday in France!

The list of Sunday's Oscar presenters has been released and it's definitely interesting. Featured presenters include Amy Adams, Angelina Jolie, Samuel L. Jackson, Bill Murray, Zac Efron, and Jessica Biel. Can you imagine getting an Oscar from the actress who is best known for being written off of 7th Heaven?

The trailer for Disney's new Maleficent has been released and it'll surely scare the ever-loving shit out of small girls accustomed to nice princess films. It'll also confuse adults who remember Maleficent as the purely evil woman who, when not invited to a party, decided to kill the only daughter of a fertility-challenged couple.

Ryan Seacrest wants kids to be just like him: no athletic ability, but a keen understanding of pop culture; Angelina Jolie's cheekbones are intended to terrify you; NBC relies on bribery to coax their actors into working; and your S&M fantasies just got pushed back six months by Universal.