Have you been paying attention to Jimmy Kimmel lately? I hope not! There are much better things going on. Anyway, let me update you on some Jimmy Kimmel news: you might want to fuck him now.

The lead singer of The Maroon 5 Band, Adam Levine, was exiting a building after an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel on Wednesday when a fan nearby had an idea: This guy needs a little sweetness in his life. He keeps asking for it in that song I hear literally everywhere that I go.

Professional public spectacle Shia LaBeouf was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night, and pursuant to the celebrity debacle news cycle, he recounted his June night of drunken misbehavior like it was a hilarious anecdote that anyone could relate to. His story of that night involves: The World Cup, drinking, chasing down a homeless marine, more drinking, being invited to see Cabaret, even more drinking, groping a man's ass, more drinks, and spitting on a cop's shoe.

During a welcomed reprieve from host Seth Meyers' snoozy jokes, Jimmy Kimmel raised the question we've all been pondering leading up to the Emmys: Man, I can't believe bona fide Movie Star (and Academy Award Winner) Matthew McConaughey is going to be at an awards show...for television.

Are you enjoying the Oscars from home, making the occasional snide comment about fashion while eating a snack? If so, Jimmy Kimmel has a message: "What's wrong with you?"

Jimmy Fallon might be getting all the late night attention this week, but his new competitor Jimmy Kimmel has one thing Fallon doesn't. Thanks to ABC's direct ties with Disney and therefore Marvel, Kimmel was able to air The Guardians of the Galaxy trailer on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Tuesday night.

As the late night world said goodbye to Jay Leno Thursday night, Jimmy Kimmel ignored the fuss and did what Jimmy Kimmel does best: get celebrities, especially Matt Damon, to make fun of themselves.

Girls finds more ways to grate; Entourage is finally going to be turned into a movie; the latest Breaking Bad meme is hilarious; Jimmy Kimmel may have sparked an international incident.

Robin Williams spanked Michael J. Fox, Zach Galifianakis spanked Justin Bieber, and Kanye west spanked Jimmy Kimmel, who basically spanked him right back.

Mark Wahlberg could have been your classmate if you were a graduating senior this year; Jimmy Kimmel is a C.R.E.A.M. loyalist—except that for Kimbo, Costco Rules Everything Around Him; and Julie Chen, despite her best efforts to be a white girl, still just looks Chinese.