Kristen Stewart recently made a big change in her life. Anyone know what that was?

In an interview with The Mirror published Sunday, Kristen Stewart’s mother Jules confirmed what the tabloids have been speculating for months: Stewart, last linked to fellow vampire Robert Pattinson, is now dating her personal assistant Alicia Cargile. “I’ve met Kristen’s new girlfriend, I like her. What’s not to accept? She’s a lovely girl,” Jules said in the interview with contributor Sharon Feinstein.

For years, people have been obsessed with Kristen Stewart’s love life, and for months people have been speculating that it’s taken a turn for the sapphic. In an interview with The Mirror, Kristen’s mom Jules Stewart confirms that it has—Jules says Kristen is dating her assistant, Alicia Cargile. Ah yes, the old “personal assistant” trick. Classic.

Kristen Stewart seems like she's having a pleasant time hanging out with her perhaps more-than-friend Alicia Cargile, which is nice for her.

Why doesn't Kristen Stewart smile? Hmm. Is it because the weight of fame is too heavy on her lips? Is it because she doesn't want to make everyone jealous of her celebrity lifestyle? Is it 'cause her face is just a li'l old grump face? Let Kristen tell you herself.

The earth is round, the sky is blue, and Kristen Stewart smokes Camel filters and writes shitty, embarrassing poetry.

Hurricane Sandy was such a dick. Not only did last October's natural disaster disrupt the homes and lives of many, but it's also turned part-time philanderer, full-time sloucher Kristen Stewart into...a prostitute, apparently?

Slouchy philanderer Kristen Stewart is about to take on her most challenging role yet: college freshman.

Are you reading this while you're at work? You might want to put that letter opener back in your coffee-stained pencil cup before you read on.