Us Weekly exclusively reported this morning that Serena Williams is dating Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian. A joke? You’d be forgiven for thinking that, but “Exclusive: Serena Williams Is Dating Alexis Ohanian, the Co-Founder of Reddit” appears to be as real as any other Us Weekly post. It’s nestled on the website right in between “Khloe Kardashian Cuts Off Her Long Hair, Gets Lob” and “Russell Brand Slams Ex-Wife Katy Perry’s ‘Vapid’ Lifestyle.” Serena Williams Dating Reddit Guy. Okay.

It’s Wednesday, which means America’s beloved gossip rags have released their new issues for the week. Us Weekly’s cover shouts: “GAMBLING, BOOZE, & CHEATING: JEN’S SECRET HELL” alongside an artfully tattered photo of soon-to-be divorced actors Jen Garner and Ben Affleck. People, the mag that spent the last month groveling at the Afflecks’ feet to get the coveted divorce exclusive, promises something different on its cover: The real story.

Rumors about Jennifer Garner and her husband Ben Affleck’s impending divorce have been swirling for years (remember the Blake Lively car ride?). But they’ve picked up again with a vengeance, after a Radar report that Ben spent Jen’s birthday alone, in Canada—Canada!—without his wedding ring. So if the divorce is just matter of when, not if, the only remaining question is: Who gets the exclusive?

This is not a lie or a joke, but a blessing from the baby Jesus she loves so much: Teresa Giudice posed for this week's cover of Us Weekly with her fambly in prison. Her hair is naturally curly, her jumpsuit is army green, and two of her beautiful daughters (Gia and Gabriella) are missing for reasons unknown.

After Kendall Jenner took to Twitter to deny speaking with Us Weekly about her father's transition, the magazine has issued a retraction of its alleged "silence-breaking" interview.

Yesterday, Us Weekly published an "exclusive interview" with Kendall Jenner on the subject of Bruce Jenner, claiming it was the first time she'd spoken publicly about his transition. "I will always love my dad, whether he's a man or a woman," she told the magazine—or did she?