This CAA Agent Was Late To Brunch "Because Of You Bitch"

69.17K

Beejoli Shah

09/26/13 04:23PM

Filed to: Life Lessons

CAA agents are known not only for being some of the most industrious ten-percenters in town, but also the most loving and nurturing bosses around. Just kidding! CAA agents are known for being insufferable douchebags, generally with an inflated sense of self and lacking in cursory knowledge of basic computer functions.

Top TV lit agent at the DeathStar, Nancy Etz, proves to be another chip off the 'ol block. A handy tipster forwarded us this e-mail from a former Etz assistant. The assistant received this note from her boss—on a Saturday, no less!—after Etz was incapable of sufficiently directing herself to her boozy "breakfast meeting."

From: Nancy Etz [mailto: netz@caa.com]
To: Etz Asst, Nancy [mailto: netzasst@caa.com]
Subject: seriously?
I was 40 minutes late to brunch because there was no address in my calendar and I couldn't call you to get it because your number isn't in my phone. No email and no number. What the fuck!!! I need you to be available! I spent my whole morning apologizing to Andrew because of you bitch.

Pleasant. While it remains unclear if Andrew was ever able to find it in his heart to forgive Etz, hopefully this former assistant's mimosa-triggered PTSD abates quickly.

Life Lessons is your place to shame Hollywood's biggest and smallest douchebags. As always, send in your Hollywood low points to tips@defamer.com.

EARLIER:
- This Is What You Get If You Insult a Producer's Project
- It's Because You're A Cunt, Harris
- Parks and Recreation's Harris Wittels Responds

[Image via Lisa Nalin Studios]

1

GoBlue95 Beejoli Shah 09/27/13 09:22AM

I used to assist a producer at one of the studios and as others have said, this is nothing. Only one "bitch" in the whole email? Come on. You should've seen the email I got when I took too long (5 mins) looking for a screwdriver down in the mailroom in so I could frame his new one sheets for him, let alone an actual business-related screw-up.

Beejoli Shah GoBlue95 09/27/13 11:51AM

Share those stories! tips@defamer.com

48

hollywoodhoya Beejoli Shah 09/26/13 04:31PM

It is actually hilarious to me, a current hollywood assistant, that people think this is bad. That is a run-of-the-mill, every day sort of email. Welcome to the industry, bitch.

4

Cockadoodoo hollywoodhoya 09/26/13 04:38PM

Haha! I was thinking the same thing. I wish I had emails of some of the shit my old boss used to spew. What a miserable bitch she was. Haha!

45

STFU hollywoodhoya 09/26/13 04:41PM

Oooohhh, an industry where some dickhead thinks because he signs my checks he can call me names? Sign me right the fuck up. If you put up with that shit you're an idiot.

9

anacanapana hollywoodhoya 09/26/13 04:43PM

Probably because a lot of us would avoid any job where this would be "every day" treatment. Guess "the industry" is full of terrible people that we're all better off for not dealing with.

2

hollywoodhoya STFU 09/26/13 04:56PM

It is totally awful, don't get me wrong. The only people that stay are people who lose their understanding of what it means to be a human. As soon as I can get out, I am OUT.

3

OtherPeoplesSpreadsheets STFU 09/26/13 05:07PM

Us LA people may be "idiots," but at least we're earning pretty good salaries in exchange for the name-calling... whereas you're name calling, yet I'm not seeing you writing any checks to make up for it...

3

xkj hollywoodhoya 09/26/13 05:13PM

This is bad - not at all unusual within the industry but it's still bad in the general professional world. The assistant fucked up but there's no need for name calling. If you're that disappointed in someone's work, fire them or have them sent back to the mailroom. I work in the industry and my bosses have never called me a bitch.

3

PeggyBabcock hollywoodhoya 09/26/13 05:46PM

Yeah, and by "assistant" they usually mean unpaid "intern"

1

filmgirl PeggyBabcock 09/26/13 05:55PM

No, interns are different at agencies. Interns can only works a maximum of 4 hours a day for non payment but they do get credit for college if they are on break from school. Assistants get paid but they get paid shit. If you are really good at your job you can climb the ladder very quickly, this is the one big difference than any other job you work at.

7

boomboomroomy OtherPeoplesSpreadsheets 09/26/13 06:05PM

if you're a hollywood assistant earning a "pretty good salary" then you're the exception, not the rule. Most of the people who have to put up with this crap are making $28K a year for an 8am-8pm job, and they still have to do networking drinks every night, which they pay for out of their own pockets. And to whomever said that in 3 years, said assistant will be paid "top dollar" to be a used car salesman? Try 4-5 years to be a *slightly* better paid ($40K) glorified assistant to senior execs for the next three years, during which time your new hours will be 6am-1am. So unless you're one of the maybe 5 lucky, well-connected young Jewish men that magically bypass these steps, you're looking at 8-10 years of taking abuse at a very low salary. There's no business like show business!

4

Smithwellette filmgirl 09/26/13 06:07PM

Before the 2007 strike, it was easier to move up the ranks quickly. Afterward, most of the agencies figured out that everyone was so damn scared of losing their jobs and got used to having so much less during that period, that it became par for the course to keep holding people back in positions for longer and longer periods of time without promoting them. They ended up with assistants and coordinators who had the knowledge and contacts to basically be de facto agents, but the agencies didn't have to pay them a guarantee or pay them a percentage on anything they book (as it was automatically kicked to the point agent who repped the client, or the team representing a client, in the absence of a "booking" agent, since it was done by the goram assistant!).

In short: I do not miss my days as a TV Lit coordinator one iota.

4

tsam hollywoodhoya 09/26/13 06:20PM

I'm sure it is, that's why I work in a field where talk like that (boss or not) is likely to get your nose broken. Only an insecure cunt would treat employees that way.

2

OtherPeoplesSpreadsheets boomboomroomy 09/26/13 06:21PM

" Most of the people who have to put up with this crap are making $28K a year for an 8am-8pm job, and they still have to do networking drinks every night, which they pay for out of their own pockets. "

That's everyone in their 20's, in any industry. It's just more concentrated in LA because of the narcissism & high population. I actually do not work in the film industry any longer, for many of the reasons you've pointed out. However, I did experience similar condescending behavior at nearly every job I've ever worked. And then I got another job that paid better. And then a boss or coworker turns into an asshole again. And then I get another job. And so on, and so on.

People are just assholes, in every industry. I was pointing out how calling someone an "idiot" for letting someone call them names makes you just as big of an asshole as the boss, except the boss signs your checks, and the comment board troll just brings you down to elevate themselves.

2

sticklegs OtherPeoplesSpreadsheets 09/26/13 06:46PM

No, in tons of other fields assts make living wages. Finance, law, even education.

2

Jishosan OtherPeoplesSpreadsheets 09/26/13 08:38PM

I'm really not sure what that's about. Most of the new folks at our company are recent college grads, early 20s, and not only make significantly more than 28k, but they aren't treated like human garbage either. I've heard horror stories about serial job issues only a handful of times, and in most cases, it wasn't that EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD sucks, it's that the employee sucks and simply didn't want to admit or accept it. The only job I ever had that felt soulless was working retail. Once I left that, I got out of every job I had almost exactly what I put into it.

Beejoli Shah Smithwellette 09/26/13 11:13PM

A million times this. Yes. The writers strike was especially bad for assistants because it showed just how little they were willing to work for to keep a job and stay in the industry. Promotion rates have slowed drastically, and the arguments that can be made for assistant positions being "apprenticeships" as a legitimizing factor for the pay/hours/lack of quick promotion are getting thinner each year.

1

OtherPeoplesSpreadsheets Jishosan 09/27/13 12:56PM

Well I don't need to argue how or why I do not suck as an employee. I know I don't. I have glowing reviews & letters of recommendation from most of my former employers and coworkers that I'm one of the best employees they've ever had. However, at every single one of those jobs, there was always one coworker or manager with a drug/alcohol problem, or who was going through a divorce, or one bitchy woman who was in her 40s and single with no friends who hated the world, one sexist pig, one toxic personality that ruined it for everyone. Often times, they've directed their unhappiness at me due to the fact that I often receive promotions &/or recognition for going above and beyond them, fixing their mistakes, etc. But they have no problem name calling and making me look stupid. Hell, one of my coworkers last week literally stole a huge project I was working on and turned it in as "her" work that "she" completed. And yesterday she went out of her way to freak out my boss & spent 2 hours confronting me as to why something I ordered hadn't arrived in the office. She told me that I needed to leave & drive 2 hours to retrieve the order, which wasn't even needed for at least a week. 15 minutes later the order was delivered at our office. She just wanted to try to get my boss to yell at me, because she was tired of always being the one who is yelled at.

Personally, I believe 1-2 out of every 10 people in this world is/are assholes. And that holds true in most workplaces.

OtherPeoplesSpreadsheets sticklegs 09/27/13 01:08PM

Yes, but I've worked in those fields, and shit, are they freaking boring. And you think being called names by your boss is stressful? Wait until you're fired for walking into work 1 minute late. Wait until you're given a "warning" about proper attire because your outfit isn't freshly dry-cleaned and pressed and/or you're wearing too much makeup, too much perfume, your high heels are too high, your outfit is too tight, too bright, because you're not dressed like an elderly librarian. And they often only pay about $30k to start. Maybe $40, if you're deemed"qualified" for an entry-level position.

5

Apt-Zero Beejoli Shah 09/26/13 04:37PM

netzasst@caa.com? Wow. It doesn't have a name? Or is this editing for anonymity?

12

Beejoli Shah Apt-Zero 09/26/13 04:38PM

Nope, at CAA you're not you, you're just an assistant tied to a person. You don't get to have an identity inside the DeathStar!!

2

OceanAve Beejoli Shah 09/26/13 04:50PM

Most agencies dont allow their assistants to have their own email address until they become trainees. This is not unique to CAA. Beejoll did you get rejected by them for resprentation??? Why all the CAA hate?

5

JaxKane Beejoli Shah 09/26/13 06:54PM

So I used to work for famous pol whose brother is CAA/Endeavor superstar (you can figure it out). My boss's rep was similar to the descriptions of people described here but reality was he worked his dick off and a actually gave a shit about his job.
HOWEVER, I think it would be amazing to have a companion series to this about polidicks. I saw some of the most ridiculous, horrible behavior from other pols. The stupidity is staggering. The now-imprisoned former IL governor was the absolute most ridiculous.
Know Hollywood is your beat but politics IS Hollywood for ugly people. Plus, it'll expand your brand.

Beejoli Shah OceanAve 09/26/13 10:54PM

I would gladly run stories on other agencies stupidity! Send 'em in. And a lot of agencies don't require assistant anonymity: UTA and Gersh, and then lots of smaller ones.

13

Citizen-Kang Beejoli Shah 09/26/13 04:26PM

Another fine graduate of the Jesse Pinkman executive MBA program at Albuquerque Technical School and Tire Store.